Since the wake of humanity, people have needed help. Having problems in life is almost as common as breathing, which is why asking for help should be second nature to all of us, but somehow it isn’t. I’ve found that when you find yourself needing serious guidance, it’s suddenly much harder to just ask for it. So, why is it so hard to ask for help? The simple answer is the foundational feeling for every insecurity and plight known to mankind, fear. People are scared that when asking for help, they might be ignored or shamed for their problems. It’s already too hard to be emotionally vulnerable and tear down the walls we so carefully put up for ourselves that when something goes slightly awry, we recoil. This is why I have come up with three tips to make asking for help easier and less excruciating than it is. First, make sure that you trust the people around you, then ask for help your own way, and finally don’t apologize afterward.
First of all, make sure you trust the people around you. If you find yourself in an environment filled with untrustworthy people, it’s harder to open up to them. That fear of rejection creeps up involuntarily if you know that asking for help may result in regret or even shame at the hands of the people who are supposed to help you. If you doubt even for a second that the people around you might judge or reject you, then you shouldn’t tell them at all. Pick people who are willing to help you because they care, not because they have to. The right people will always be there when you need them, especially when you need help.
After finding people you trust, take a leap of faith and ask for help but only once you feel comfortable enough doing so. No one should be rushed when making this decision, so take your time deciding where, when, and how you want to ask for help. It should be in your own, personal way to make it more serious because asking for help is not a light topic that should be taken as a joke or a simple anecdote. If you need guidance, then you should get serious guidance from the people that you trust who both care about you and want to see you do well in this life.
Finally, never apologize for needing help. Everyone, at some point in their lives, needs some sort of help and that is nothing to be ashamed of at all. Humans were never exempt from suffering, meaning that since the very first caveman people have been trying to communicate their issues any way they can. I can tell you that there are many different ways to ask for help, but the only way that you should avoid is minimizing your needs with phrases like “I’m sorry to ask this…” or “I hate to say this…” I know that these phrases are just a way to break the awkwardness and downplay your issues to make it seem more casual if said rejection occurs, but they can be very damaging. First of all, your problems are big issues no matter what they are and you shouldn’t downplay them just so they can fit into a conversation. Second of all, find a space to have this talk with someone so that neither you nor that person feels obligated to say something out of character. Remember that you’re not doing anything wrong by asking for help, ever, so don’t apologize for it.
Everyone warrants a fair chance to ask for help. When we find no way to easily ask for help, we end up bottling up these horrible feelings inside of us, which over time fester and become so bitter that they are released in all the wrong ways and all the wrong places. In many ways, people fear asking for help because they might get rejected or ignored, and while those are valid fears, these irrationalities can be soothed with the previous tips. First, make sure that you are surrounded by people you trust with your words, then you can ask them for help in a personal manner, and finally, never apologize for anything you need. There is always going to be someone that cares who is willing and able to help you, and if you don’t see them now, you will later. In any case, you will always have me, and trust me when I say that I will always be here for anyone who needs me. You deserve to be helped, so ask whenever you can.