Satirical

The Dangers of the Vaccine

Good morning, my lovely darlings. It has come to my attention that you have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of the vaccine. You think vaccines are going to heal you from the Coronavirus. You think the pandemic is real. You think the Earth is round! Pah! No wonder your family is getting sick. It is time to educate you on the dangers of the vaccine.

First off, vaccines are made by five companies: Oxford-AstraZeneca, Moderna, Pfizer-BioNTech, Sinovac, and Sputnik V, from the UK, the USA, Germany, China, and Russia, respectively. What do these countries know about vaccination? What the UK has done is just fill up their syringes with tea! The USA has done the same; they’ve mish-mashed 50+ viruses to create this disgusting amalgamation in the hopes that it will “cure” the Coronavirus. Then come BioNTech, Sinovac, and Sputnik, and these have got to be the worst vaccines yet! Now look, I’m not racist, but what these companies are doing are the equivalent of those Marxist Communist dictatorships from the 1900s. These countries are trying to pump us with Marxism and Communism directly into our veins! 

When these companies come up with a vaccine, what medical evidence will they have to back their vaccine up? It’s not like the people that are working for them are some of the most intelligent individuals in the world who are also risking their lives when experimenting with the Coronavirus. Even I, who have searched on Facebook for one hour trying to find this information, have spent more time researching than these so-called “doctors.”

What’s more, we, the people, are waking up. Just before writing this, me and my group of Antivaxx Antimask Activists went all together with our children into our local store (even with Kenneth, who was coughing the other day), and look! More than 50 of our 100 activists reported contracting the Coronavirus the following week! As you can see, Bill Gates is personally trying to silence us for revealing the ugly truth about the vaccine. 

Never will I vaccinate myself, nor my children, and neither should you. Nor will I trust a filthy, rich, racist millionaire like Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, or Abraham Lincoln. The only one I would trust is Donald Trump! Trump 2025! Apart from that, never trust the media, never wear masks, never stay five meters apart, never keep your houses ventilated, and never, NEVER, for the love of God, get the vaccine!

Mateo Andrade

It is I, Mateo. I enjoy rainy days and fauna. They call me funny. May not be accurate.

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