Humor

You Have A 3000-Word Essay Due in An Hour

You are exiting a cave in Minecraft. From your journey, you have not brought back any diamonds, only coal. It is 22:57. You sight and close the application. Behind the Minecraft Window, you are presented with a Google Docs file titled Essay due Monday. And that’s when it hits you. A month has passed since Ms. Van Strien assigned you your final essay on Uncle Tom’s Cabin, and you haven’t even started. You check the time. It’s already 23:01. Without much forethought (if any), you write the title, What We Learned from Uncle Tom’s Cabin, and set off to write the essay.
The introduction was simple; you just wrote random bits of information about Uncle Tom’s Cabin: who wrote it, why they wrote it, when they wrote it, and so on. A bit of fluff won’t harm anyone.
You’ve run out of random facts to write on your introduction, so you delve into the body. It is currently 23:17. You start typing:
Uncle Tom was a great person that started the revolution of racism and then he wrote a book about his cabin, ending racism.
You know the grammar in that sentence is godawful, but there is no time. It’s better to turn in something than nothing. You hastily add more to your paragraph, taking all your knowledge from Wikipedia.
My favorite part of the book of the Cabin of Uncle Tom was when Uncle Tom, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln tell the slave owner to stop being so racist to end the racism with friendship and happiness.
You are not entirely sure if that’s how it turned out, but it’s 11:33; you need to turn this in now.
You start to get hungry. The kitchen is downstairs, and you have bread, baloney and mayonnaise. You could make a sandwich; it wouldn’t take long. You glance at the time, which was 23:47. No, you think to yourself, I must finish, or Ms. Van Strien is going to kill me. You decide to keep going; it was not far from 00:00.
This was it, the final stretch. You begin your conclusion.
Overall, I give this book an 8/10 because it solved racism, taught people how to not be racist, and ended racism. I am happy because this book taught me that racism is wrong. Winners don’t do racism, kids.
The clock read 23:58. You quickly open up Google Classroom, and in an expanse of other homework, find the essay. You upload it, but the wheel of doom would not stop spinning. Come on, come on. At long last, it stops spinning, and you hit the “turn in” button. You sigh in relief as you see the clock become 00:00. All’s well that ends well.
The following morning you go to Ms. Van Strien’s classroom.
She greets you and everyone else. “Hello everyone, and welcome back to English. As you know, your essay about Uncle Tom’s Cabin is due tomorrow. Please ask any questions in chat.”
You were ecstatic, and a bit furious, but mostly ecstatic. You had one more day to do the essay! You thank Ms. Van Strien by saying, “Thank you, Ms. Van Strien!” She just looks back in worry.
After school, you eat a baloney sandwich and relax for a bit. You decide to go back and revise your essay. When you log in to your computer, you notice that the Epic Games Launcher was on your desktop.
Eh, maybe a match of Fortnite won’t take too long.
You boot up Fortnite and play an online match, or two, or five.
Okay, enough play. Time to work on that essay.
You glance at the time. It was 23:45.

Mateo Andrade

It is I, Mateo. I enjoy rainy days and fauna. They call me funny. May not be accurate.

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